a few weekends ago, while i got ready for being a plus-one at the wedding of a complete stranger, i realized that the relative importance of any given event can more or less be measured by a woman’s approach to shaving her legs in preparation for it.
(1) “i don’t give a shit about this.” examples: religious services, the gym, winter.
consequent leg shave: nonexistent.
(2) “eh.” examples: date with someone you’ve already slept with, first date with someone you are just humoring, plus-one at a wedding, work.
consequent leg shave: lazy once-over with ancient razor. no shaving cream.
(3) “this is sort of important.” example: graduation, job interview, first date with someone you are not just humoring, member of the wedding party, slutty halloween.
consequent leg shave: shaving cream + week-old blade
(4) “tonight potentially determines the next week/month/year/decade.” examples: new years eve, date before you sleep with someone for the first time (yes, the decision has likely been made pre-emptively, pending your not screwing it up), the first beach day of summer, the night following an expensive hair cut/blow out, a new skirt/dress.
consequent leg shave: exfoliating + shaving cream + brand new razor + serious moisturizer
obviously everyone is different. and while my priorities may seem warped, i stand by my assertion they apply to most of us, sans a few (or more?) vassar [-minded] women.
some big events transcend leg shaving. like childbirth. or moving to your first apartment! or your first real job! in less than a month, i will be moving into a cozy little apartment in park slope with katie, my housemate from college, and in january i’ll be starting work at a PR firm in manhattan (to those wondering, i will probably shave my legs before the first day of work). exciting, quirky, new york-based yammering to follow.
