michael phelps = a disgrace to american athleticism

fyi: definitely not his first time. boy hits the pipe like a pro. 

some headlines from the past few days:

phelps: marijuana scandal “not what my mom wanted”

kellogg’s dumps michael phelps for smoking pot!

students, faculty react to phelps’ marijuana use

phelps learns lessons, talks future

phelps and the illusion of perfection

i mean… if I were michael phelps, i think i’d need a bong hit every once in a while too. i don’t really make a habit of feeling sorry for successful famous people, but i can’t help but feel a little sorry for athletes like phelps, who was probably unprepared for this level of fame/recognition (which doesn’t mean he’s not enjoying it). it’s not like sports are akin to something like acting, which necessitates an audience. plenty of people play sports because they enjoy the athleticism in and of itself, but nobody gets into acting because they really like delivering monologues to the ceiling above the bath tub. obviously, some athletes are in love with themselves, but my point is that athleticism is not, by definition, narcissistic/self-indulgent, but acting is (i can say that, as an aspiring actress with little talent). i’m sure once you get to the professional level of sports you have to be pretty into yourself, but you can get that far without any real contemplation of, or desire for, fame. i do, however, feel bad for some celebrities, including britney and lilo, who got into the performance industry and courted fame way before they had any real understanding of what that would entail, and now they can’t go anywhere without a bunch of fat dudes in t-shirts with yellow sweat stains shoving cameras in their faces. 

but at least everyone has given up on lilo and brit as role models — i think a lot of people either anticipated or enjoyed, in a vindictive sort of way, their very public mistakes and/or meltdowns. but phelps was, up until a few days ago, enjoying an enduring reign of being america’s [very masculine] sweetheart. attractive, nice, looks like your next door neighbor + superhuman six pack, doesn’t sound like a moron when he opens his mouth but doesn’t sound like a princeton grad either, and goodness gracious he worked so darn hard to be where he at! then the poor guy goes to visit one of the 300 girls who offers him a bj every day, and one of her asshole friends who doesn’t know how to swim takes a picture of phelps ripping a bong and then sells it to a british tabloid. and now phelps has to bend over backwards, waxing philosophical about his gargantuan error in judgment, when in fact there are much more interesting/newsworthy things going on in the world, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business that michael phelps wants to smoke a bowl three and a half years before the next olympics.

the most entertaining part of this so-called scandal is how articles cite that phelps is part of a newly formed anti-doping coalition for olympian athletes, which obviously refers to performance-enhancing drugs, as if to suggest this adds much more weight to his shameful crime. anyone who even SUGGESTS that condemning the use of steroids while smoking weed is hypocritical needs to sit down, smoke a j, and watch half baked, because they obviously have no idea what they are talking about, and they DEFINITELY have never smoked a j and tried to go swimming. word on the street is, it feels a hell of a lot like drowning. 

this isn’t exactly going to keep me up tonight, because when it comes down to it, not smoking for the next decade is a small price to pay for the career phelps has, but can people stop talking about it already? where are our PRIORITIES? there is so much going on in the country and all over the world. jessica simpson is FAT, for god’s sake!