as of february 1, 2009…

i’m under:

slumdog millionaire: okay, so it ended up being sapfest ’09, but it was SO GOOD. i can’t remember the last time i left a movie feeling such gratitude for a film. it managed to be profoundly sad and disturbing as well as funny, hopeful and (sometimes unrealistically) blissful, and it was shot and told so beautifully. and even though the golden globes are like the academy award’s retarded little brother, i’m so happy slumdog won them and got the recognition it wholly deserves.

health insurance. now that i’m about to lose coverage under my mom’s plan, i’m beginning to realize how umm… nice it is to have health insurance. gobama. let’s get that universal health insurance ish developed and passed. preferably within the next week. 

my mac. the conventional wisdom about relationships says the good ones keep you surprised (presumably in a good way). if that’s the truth, me and my mac are going to be together forever. did you know you can zoom in and out using the touchpad? or that command + tab allows you to switch windows? you probably did, but whatever, it was still a very special realization for me and my mac. 

jcrew spring 2009 collection. my love for j.crew has endured so much, most notably a perpetual lack of the necessary expendable income and the contempt (both real and imagined, unexpressed and voiced) of trendy hipster peers/friends. but i’m a jew — the plight, it continues.  but this season — OH MY GOD. i’ve already filled up my online shopping cart (current value: $928.99 — not including the leather bag or bathing suits i want to spend the rest of my life with), and will continue to check it to see if anything becomes even remotely affordable. if my past experience is any indication, things will only become affordable once the nice colors are gone, and then i will probably cave and by one or two items at full price, and then feel ridiculous/guilty. anyway, here are MY picks, if money/liberal sensibility weren’t factors…. okay just money:

 

i’m over:

winter. i don’t think i can take much more of this. if the idea of strapping my feet to two pieces of plastic, holding two sticks in my hands and sliding down a mountain didn’t make me want to weep plaintively, maybe i’d feel differently, but from where i sit, there is nothing nice about winter. okay, the first few legit snows are nice to look at/eat, but unless you’re sledding (drunk and/or with little kids) or admiring out a window and under a blanket,  there is really nothing fun about snow past the age of like, 12. isn’t it depressing when you realize your sense of childlike wonder has almost completely evaporated? i remember thinking how magical snow was, and how special it felt to see deer at dusk in winter, almost like it was a shared secret between you and the universe/the creator of bambi. and now it’s more like: (1) i hope to god i have a snow day so i can sit at home and watch daytime tv and (2) i wish we could re-introduce wolves into the NJ wilderness to prey on all the piece of shit deer that pose a serious threat to my car/life/sanity. 

the movies. why are they SO EXPENSIVE? back in the day, a student ticket was $6.50. now AMC doesn’t even HAVE student tickets (except on thursday afternoons — and what college student, or in this case college grad with an undated college id, goes to the movies on thursday afternoons?), so i have to pay TEN DOLLARS every time i see a goddamn movie. and i can’t even go within 25 yards of concessions without wanting to tear out my eyes. $5 for a soda has probably 2 cents worth of soda and diet coke syrup? or $4 for an amount of reese’s pieces that manages to simultaneously (1) be gone before the movie even starts and (2) insure i will have reason to go the gym for the next six months? who is making all the money off this? i hate him. this especially sucks because there are about ten thousand movies i want to see, namely:  revolutionary road, doubt, milk, the wrestler, notorious, benjamin button, gran torino, frost/nixon. etc. i think next sunday i’m just going to go to a 1pm show of something and then movie hop until the theater closes/i feel like i’m running out of oxygen.

home. i remember the good old days, when i would come home from vassar for a weekend and be soooo happy/relieved to be HOME where it was safe and familiar and never awkward. i can’t pinpoint when this became the winter of my discontent, but a few weeks ago i found myself telling myself that i needed to go to the gym regularly, not so that i could get in shape, but rather so that i could minimize the amount of time i spent at home in the evening. i feel a little like an asshole for hate hate hating on home so incessantly, since i’m actually quite lucky to be able to live/eat in a comfortable home for free, and am even luckier to have the job that is keeping me in here, but unfortunately i haven’t been able to guilt myself into liking home any more.

scarlett johansson. i just watched vicky cristina barcelona and got irritated all over again. personally, i don’t think she’s that AMAZING looking, although i like that she looks like she has a meal once a day (maybe twice on a “cheat” day), but i guess i understand why people think she’s gorgeous. but what i can’t even begin to fathom is why people continue to cast her in movies. like… haven’t people realized what a terrible actress she is? her breathy melodrama in match point practically ruined the whole movie… if it hadn’t been for the sweet twist and jonathan rhys myers drool-factor i probably would’ve left the theater. she delivered even the most mundane line as if it were the. most. important. thing. anyone. had. ever. said. uggghhh. someone should take a break from recording country albums nobody listens to and hire an acting coach. 

people who are assholes to the service industry. okay, nobody LIKES telemarketers or sales associates who mention the victoria’s secret credit card three times during the checkout and then asks you to give your email, and when you protest they already have your email says that giving your email AGAIN will mean you get “better” offers via email. truth: being pressured to spend money sucks (and so does being pressured to allow yourself to be technologically pressured). but that doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole about it — those people are just like everyone else, trying to get PAID. and most of them probably didn’t go to a cush-cush school that discouraged working for THE MAN (or gave the means to work for the man by way of paying other people to do the awkward dirty work). i mean, not everyone can save the world. the point is, nobody should get shit for trying to do their job, providing said person is not a pimp, a human trafficker or the overseer of a meth lab. or someone who writes proposals for reality tv. because, really? just stop. i’m just sick of people giving major ‘tude to people who are just doing the obnoxious dirty work in their job descriptions. even worse are the dicks who make it a habit to treat servers like shit. it’s one thing if your server is downright rude or completely inept and unapologetic, but people who bring a sense of entitlement with them into the restaurant make me craaaaazy. like, you’re paying this person to bring you food, not validate your unreasonable level of self-importance. 

people in the service industry who take advantage of people who are overly nice/deferential to people in the service industry. like, i SAID i didn’t want to give you my goddamn email, can you please not make me feel GUILTY about it? jesus christ. at least smile when i make a dumb joke about not needing an excuse to spend more money on underwear. that’s nothing compared to the verizon people. last time i went in there by myself (i.e. without my dad), the guy tried to peer pressure me into paying however much money for a ringback tone, among other things (bluetooth headset, leather carrying case, car charger, unlimited text, blah blah blah). remember when peer pressure was about badass stuff, like smoking weed? i’m so uncomfortable with being served that I’M apologetic when someone accidentally charges me for something i didn’t order or brings me the wrong salad dressing because i feel so bad calling them out. i’d rather eat my big toe than send something back to the kitchen, but the verizon guy felt my wrath because i realized i was only getting this shpeel because i was under 50 and a woman, and if my dad had been there, the phone nerd express would be going nowhere, since (1) my dad would say no and sales associate would listen and (2) if for some reason he didn’t listen, he would eventually become frustrated trying fruitlessly to explain the logistics (and point) of a ringback tone and give up.