for 23 years.
1) i caused mad problems the first month of my life. my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, so they had to take me out with forceps so i wouldn’t strangle myself. wah wah. two weeks later, i came down with pneumonia, so i had to go back in the hospital and sleep in an oxygen tent for a week.
2) on the night my brothers were born, our neighbor slept over at our house so my dad could be with my mom at the hospital. i insisted that our neighbor stay in my room, but i refused to let her sleep in my bed, so she slept on the floor. shortly thereafter, i decided to become un-potty-trained in protest of my brothers’ arrival.
3) despite my previous behavior, the same neighbor wanted me to be the flower girl in her wedding. there was another flower girl too, who was a few years older. before the ceremony, we were told over and over by various people (i.e. my mother) that we had to be quiet during the ceremony: no talking, no whispering, nothing. we walked down the aisle distributing flower petals in our wake, then sat down near the altar and apparently amused ourselves putting flowers in each other’s hair. at one point, the groom was super nervous, so the bride leaned over to whisper something reassuring to him, at which point i, realizing the ceremony rules had been breached, stood up and yelled: “SHHHH!!! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK.”
4) i took ballet lessons for 3 years because i wanted to wear one of the silk skirts that the older ballet dancers wore. i got shafted with a tutu every year. i had a crush on my ballet teacher, so i decided to get my hair cut short like hers, and ended up being mistaken for my brothers’ “big brother” by some dumb bitch outside of ikea.
5) i was born in griswold, a dorm for sophomore and junior boys, and lived there until i was two, when i moved into stanley, a sophomore and junior girls’ dorm, where my parents were the first housemasters when lawrenceville went co-ed. when i was six, we moved into one of the brand new faculty houses the school built.
6) i didn’t learn to swim until i was 7, despite an abundance of swim lessons and the support/disbelief/veiled criticism of my parents. i basically just didn’t want to, until i saw a family friend, two years my junior, puttering around the shallow end, and i realized it was totally ridiculous that i didn’t know how to swim, so i learned.
7) pond guck (the green/brown/black vegetation at the bottom of ponds) scares the shit out of me. i can’t even swim over it, let alone touch it.
8) i love new jersey and couldn’t have asked for a better place to grow up, but most of my fondest childhood memories are from new england. both of my parents grew up there, so when i was little we spent a good chunk of every summer with family in cape cod and maine, and we still go to the cape every summer and see family in portland and boston at least once a year. i credit new england for my love of: lobster, scallops, shrimp, sailing, rocky beaches, periwinkles, skipping stones (or trying), motor boats, hammocks, BBQ, afternoon tea, and being near the ocean.
9) my dad’s extended family owns land on a remote (ha) bay in maine. my grandpa and his brother and their father built the cabin, and to this day it has no running water (there’s a well) or electricity (kerosene lamps and a gas stove and fridge). and… an outhouse. there’s a dock, and a cliff that overlooks the bay. i can only take the rusticity (read: lack of plumbing) for a few days, but it’s one of my favorite places in the world.
10) at the end of fifth grade, my dad won a teaching award and was granted a sabbatical for half the year. inspired by our family friends who had found themselves in a similar position the previous year, my parents took us to england for three months: august, september, october. we stayed in cornwall for two weeks in august, then moved to a small town called witney, which was about a half hour outside of oxford. my brothers and i went to school there for two months, and i think i was just the right age — old enough to remember it well but young enough to not over-think the whole experience while i was there. princess diana died a few weeks after we arrived.
11) thanks to my dad and trenton thunder, i am a loyal, enthusiastic and totally uninformed red sox fan. i really like basketball and suspect i would like football if i understood it better, but i have yet to declare loyalty for any team. i am leaning toward the giants, though.
12) i went to public school through sixth grade, then switched to a private day school for seventh and eighth so i could be “prepared” for lawrenceville. i hated it, mostly because it was middle school and i was embarking on a two-year ride on the angst express, but also because i was ashamed that my family wasn’t rich. because, you know, being middle class is really hard.
13) in eighth grade, i watched a monologue i wrote be performed on a broadway stage, just before a production of rent.
14) i read catcher in the rye in eighth grade and it made me want to be a writer. i re-read it at least once a year, and every time i get something new out of it and look at holden a little differently. i am similarly obsessed with/in awe of nine stories, franny and zooey (which i always thought was pronounced zoo-y) and raise high the roofbeam, carpenters.
15) i spent 9 weeks in alicante, spain during my sophomore year in high school. it was my first time away from home for more than a few days at a time, and it was utterly terrifying, and there were definitely things i would change if i could do it over (like speak spanish?), but it was amazing.
16) when i’m not eating, i am probably thinking about food. i don’t understand people who “forget” to eat a meal. i’m an equal opportunity eater except when it comes to meat –i love chicken, beef, some pork and lamb/beef kebabs, but most other kinds make me want to boot.
17) i love driving but don’t like being a passenger most of the time. i consider myself a pretty good driver, but i’m probably mediocre at best.
18) ways to my heart: compliments by proxy, vanilla/chocolate twist frozen yogurt, and belly laughs (at something i said, obviously, i don’t give a shit if you think someone else is funny).
19) i’m really good at mimicking accents doing character voices, but i have a horrible singing vice. unfortunately for my family/former roommates/people who ride in my car, i love to sing.
20) i’m terrified by heights and first-floor bedrooms.
21) i have fat toes.
22) one day, i would like the reason/opportunity to punch someone in the face. preferably a stranger, but beggars can’t be choosers, i guess.
23) i just recently stopped drinking soda, but i anticipate a fountain diet coke in my future.
and one for good luck!
24) in theory, i hate this shit and think it’s silly, narcissistic and self-indulgent. in practice… wah wah.
